land of the free

I am convinced that many of our problems stem from freedom - abuse of freedom, and fear of freedom. Western society has materially recreated the world to its specifications, almost completely obviating our need to tend to survival and freeing us to exercise choice in virtually every aspect of our existence : we each define ourselves individually and socially, we each ponder and decide which philosophies suit our psychologies, we each determine what it is that constitutes our happiness. The modern emphasis on the primacy of the individual - the valuation of rights over obligations, for example - has arisen to occupy, indeed compel, our attention in the absence of any real need to consider ourselves, for the sake of survival, as part of a community. But maybe human consciousness isn't ready, has not satisfactorily evolved, yet enough to keep pace with our relative triumph over our materiality. Rather, we when given the opportunity of complete freedom seem to value only more materiality, more physicality, as the proper end of our choices. Thus, when freed to live life by our own design, many of us devolve to sex and wealth as objects of our interest. This, to me, devalues freedom. And we - on a private, individual basis - know it. we know better. And that knowledge makes our devaluation of freedom, our poor choices, abuses of freedom; much of our personal regrets, resentments, failures, are outcroppings of our inability to use freedom to become the people we know we should be rather than the people we allow ourselves to be. And some of the idiotic manifestions of freedom - we all know them, they're all around us in our culture - scare others who, when they see the flamboyant choices of others (mostly the recreationalists who think that life is a party), conclude that they are being left behind somehow in life's contest to see who can be the happiest, and therefore think that the best way all around is to shut down everybody else's exercise of (bad) choice. There is in our society awareness of the means for development of humanity toward the horizon of higher consciousness which is humanity's end, but in my view we are in danger of losing that awareness through simple inattention while we are otherwise focused on celebrating our materiality. By accident of rhetoric it seems that the fearful devoted to shutting down freedom altogether have appropriated the language of freedom to do so - the Palins, and hannity, etc., who always seem to be "scared" of something, and indeed I suppose they are. But of the wrong thing.

Thanksgiving

I am thankful for my son's life. Thanks to God for giving Kevin a chance to live his life.
I have been haunted by Thanksgiving since I was 14 years old. I recall that on Thanksgiving in 1970, announcing from my customary backseat-right position on the way to my grandparents for dinner, that I had nothing to be thankful for. 3 days later, my grandfather died, unexpectedly, at age 61. Of course, I felt responsible. I still do. But the episode taught me that my thinking or feeling something does not make it right, and that focusing on my problems obscures appreciation of my (considerable) blessings. And it taught me to remember these lessons, so easy to forget or rationalize away, on Thanksgiving. Now, I am haunted by my mistakes - my failings as a parent chief among them, along with the cavalier self-pity demonstrated so long ago from the backseat of my family's car, which might have had something to do with those failings (and many others). This year, more than any other, I feel real thanksgiving - for my mother and brother, my kids and their love, my wife and her love, true friends, partners who respect and protect me, Ashes. But now, too, for my faith in God, the joy which comes with it, and maybe even something else which comes with faith - the loss of a bit of that focus on self.

proof ?

As unlikely as it may be, answered prayers seems to me to be powerful evidence, in the mind of the prayor, that someone is doing the answering. And it's not the prayor. It's not proof, alone. But when one realizes that that for which one prays occurs, and for no good reason beyond the prayers, it is difficult to not feel utter joy at the realization that faith does allow one to "prove" what one believes. Astonishing.

fpa progress report

I am doing a somewhat better job at work because I am working harder, which is the key to everything - not just work. As a result, I am feeling better. I am working harder because I prayed for help to do what I needed to do.
My son Kevin has expressed belief in a God of some sort. I have been praying that he find faith.
It may not be the case but it sure does feel like answered prayers.
My newfound faith is challenged daily, not only by the circumstances of my life but by me, directly and consciously. So far, it's sometimes weakened but it's never absent, and over time it's strengthened in response to each challenge, each day, each internal conversation about whether I am engaging in wish-fulfillment, as my friend says. I think that every time I affirm my faith, I end up with more faith.
This faith has helped me. That too is a powerful argument for faith; but my faith is in the God of the Trinity, and a faith that is defined by devotion to God, not to self. So feeling better is no longer what this is about for me. It's about trying to be true to the good, and true to a view of life as an element of a larger reality rather than an end in itself. the collateral benefit of this philosophy is that I feel better. Close enough.

Nothing Christlike about it

My immersion in theology and biblical criticism has been one of the most intellectually thrilling events of my life. The reading has improved my faith, not weakened it. Faith has improved my life, crutch though it may be. So I am satisfied that my religious turn this year has been truly beneficial, and I have every intention to continue to explore and deepen my faith. That said, it should not have been surprising to me that in only 10 months I've become deeply disappointed in Catholicism as an institution. It appears that I've returned to the Church just in time to witness its inexorable movement to alienate/exclude all westerners who do not accept a subservience to a 17th-century institutional order. As it welcomes the ultra-conservatives of SSPX, it seeks to divide the anglicans by siphoning off its right wing unhappy about the women and gay clergy issues, and to slowly move to eviscerate the liturgical reforms of the Second Vatican Council. It's as though the Church does not want anyone whose views would require some degree of flexibility on institutional as opposed to theological matters. Once agai it is proving that the Catholic Church is about itself, not the faith it proclaims. The term "anti-Chirst" is bandied about freely these days (mostly by Fox folks and the radio haters); somebody ought to consider literal application of the term to the Church's attitude about its relationship to its people and its God.

capitalism versus government

Much of what passes for public debate these days is tiresome rhetoric about socialism, taxes, government takeovers, etc., as though the goal of the current government is to destroy capitalism and install stalinist control of American life. The linchpin is reliance on Reagan's dictum, "The Government is not the solution, it's the problem". Couple that with tax cuts and you have the entire Republican party program (with some anti-abortion and anti-gay spice for the neanderthals, who like their politics hot and nasty). They count on the reality that most of the U.S. population really considers itself to be living far better than they expected (the joys of living on debt) and thus consider themselves part of the producing class sought to be destroyed by evil, stalinist taxes; that, and the American creed that the promotion of self-interest is a virtue above all others. The result is what's happening now : government's attempts to solve problems are being assailed as attacks on "liberty" and "freedom" [presumably, the freedom to go into more debt aping the lifestyles of the real beneficiaries of our system, the top 1% whose tax cuts amount to real money]. What they don't recognize, and nobody's saying, is that government only comes into a problem when the money-making apparatus can't or won't address the problem, in most cases because its own excesses created the messes that government must address because no one else will. Our society gives almost unchecked rein to capitalism, but people here don't see it that way. Rather, all they see is government seeking to fix problems which must be fixed if we are to continue to function as a free wealthy country, and rather than seeing such as the cavalry coming in at the last minute to save us, government is seen as a threat to the continued hoggery to which our society has become accustomed. Freedom to be greedy. Freedom to ignore the poor. Freedom to bully immigrants. The land of the free, indeed.

Autonomy versus Democracy

People who complain about the slowness and cumbersome nature of governmental bureaucracies as compared to the efficiency of private organizations are overlooking a major factor in the operational sector of each. Private organizations and businesses are much simpler to run than the government. Decision making is usually handled by a single individual or small board whose goal is simple: make a profit. Of course there are lots of factors that go into reaching that goal, but the goal never changes, and ownership really only has to answer to itself. What they say goes, and opinions from the smaller players, such as low level employees, carry almost no weight at all.
This is almost the opposite tack of the operations of a Democratic government. Governmental leaders are responsible for making sure that the rights of every member of society are not infringed upon. The smallest players, in theory, have as much right to influence a decision as the biggest groups. Minority concerns are some of the highest priorities in a true Democracy. We cannot neglect those who disagree with us (as long as they aren't anarchists, proposing the abolition of the government). The real challenge is to determine whether a policy leads to freedom of choice for the constituency or does it trend toward the oppression by one group over another or even anarchy.
By the nature of its stated intentions, Democracy is a slow and laborious process, and not an easy task. Virtually every issue requires a compromise between opposing factions. Freedom for the populace is a much more difficult goal than profit. People have to learn to be patient with the operations of good government.